I have been remiss over the last few weeks posting the reason being it has been a very sad time for me. My first blog was about my little dog Ernie sadly four weeks after he died his brother suddenly died in my arms only to be followed by my elderly cat ten days later. I can honestly say I was devastated I thought my heart would break. I lost three dear friends in a short space of time I had not realised how important my little furry friends were to me and how much stability and normality they provided in my daily life for the last 17/18 years. Did I get depressed no! I was just very sad and I needed space to deal with my sadness and grieve the loss. People so often get labelled as depressed or moody when they are just plain sad.
It is so important to give yourself time to deal with events I had to acknowledge the impact these events had had on me emotionally. It was interesting the people who came and put a comforting arm round me who were able to empathise with my loss while others were only dismissive saying it was only a cat or dog! These "mere" animals have been some of my best friends for over 17 years who offered unconditional love, a listening ear and a cuddle even in the middle of the night.
I did feel so bad after Eric died it was very sudden and I felt guilty that I should have done more. However being a Reiki Healer I was able to give him Reiki and I was so honoured that he should want to be with me when he died. I found myself in the week after his death beating myself up with the - must's and should's. When I sat down and thought about things I was not happy with my local vet and their out of hours service. I know I did everything I could in that I had discussed my dog sudden illness with the vet on call. I realised if I had of driven the long distance to where this vet was my dear old boy would have died in the car instead of peacefully at home.
I changed vets and felt so much better having done so I know the outcome would not have been different but at least if one of my animals is ill I have a vet near at hand. In respect to my old boys I decided to rescue a very beautiful but bossy black smoke Persian kitten called Ellie. She has not mended my broken heart but she has made me laugh and she gives a wonderful cuddle and purrs for Britain.
Some people may think I am a bit wacky about my animals but there was nothing greater than my old dog Eric, who despite his age would always great me when I came home or got up in the morning with a special wag and bark just for me. Coming home is not quite the same any more.
Some people find writing a journal is helpful I either paint or write poetry I find this helps me in a medative way.
The Bells Chime
The bells chime quarter hour, half hour, hour ding, ding, ding.
Echoing reminding me life goes on with every strike resonating in the air
I stroke your soft fur slowly with my hand lovingly down your back
Holding you close for the last time your body still warm and soft
So many years of loyal friendship and unconditional love
Just being there, comforting, with knowing bright eyes.
That special wag and yelp of delight when I arrived home
Making my welcome that bit special that unique bond dog and human
My heart aches with a pain so deep I think it will break
Knowing I will never see you again on this plain or time.
You went so quick like a candle blown out in the wind
I am grateful your passing was quick fate was kind
So my little friend I have to go on with a heart like lead
Emotions shut down by the chasm left by such a little being
Thank you for the joy, love, fun, and friendship
I am so honoured to have had a companion as loyal and loving as you.
I think of you over the rainbow bridge with tail wagging
Young full of vigour running having fun restored to a younger time
I look forward to the day when I can be with you again
But for now I carry your memory and love in my broken heart.
I am unable to find out how to bring my original blogs across so have posted them here
Last week I talked about the bell story not the best side of Axbridge, however there is a great side to living in this community and that is why I love living in this place because at its core it has a very warm heart. This aspect of Axbridge has certainly made itself apparent in the last year.
Last year my daughter was very ill I had to bring her back to Somerset to live at home to help her recover. People locally were concerned that a young women should be struck down by a mystery illness. Jenny was very stoic in dealing with being ill especially as it has affected her eye sight. This certainly affected her singer song writer ambitions, she did write a few songs while at home.
She returned to Brighton to try and get on with her life, not easy as she had no idea what was wrong with her. I have to admire her determination not to let it get her down especially as her eyes had been effected and day light caused her problems with her vision. I think she used her music to help write away her fruitions. Life got a little better when she was fitted with a new type of contact lens that is like wearing sun glasses and gives a strange view of colour in her life but as usual Jen took it all in a positive way as it gave her relief from the torture of daylight. (thank you Nike for the development a life saver!) At last they have diagnosed her problem and with the treatment she is nearly back to normal apart from her eye sight.
What has all this to do with Axbridge? Over the time we have lived in Axbridge Jenny has become known for her changing hair styles and colour and people were concerned whe she became ill. She decided that she would come and perform at the local fun day in July, this event has a stage for local bands a popular local event.
Jenny was given a 45 min slot to perform some of her own work and covers. She arrived on the field guitar slung over her shoulder bright scarlet and brown hair blowing in the breeze. She followed a band on stage and looked quite lonely up on the stage a little girl with a mike and guitar. It certainly made me think how stoic she had been in the last few months and how her music had helped her to cope with what life had thrown at her.
She soon had everyone's attention as she belted out her numbers which were well chosen for the diverse audience. She even gave a rendition of Aint no sunshine a favorite of mine, I was in tears at this special song for me but also to see this accomplished songstress up on the stage engaging with the crowd who were loving her. It was a great moment when she received an encore and they begged her for more. I saw her look of total amazement at how well she had been received. When we walked home people stopped and said how much they enjoyed her and for weeks after her Dad and I had people stopping us and saying what a great singer she is.
She was asked by the local butcher, a keen guitarist, if she would perform at a local charity event, the next thing she knows she is headlining the event. She was so delighted to think that her music ability was so valued by the local community that they would give her such a great write up in the paper and to more so to headline her at the event.
Phil "the butcher" Reaney and Paul Ambrosius, who was in a famous b
and in the 60/70's, provided a backing band for her to do two cover numbers and she did two of her own acoustically. They went down really well and Jen was so bowled over by the help and support Phil and Paul gave her.
Ian another local who has a love of music and in his spare time is a DJ and enjoys recording music has promised to help Jenny record her EP. She went back to Brighton yesterday a very happy girl as she feels she is at last getting some where with her music. The support she has found in Axbridge is astonishing.
She has lived in Brighton for six years and in four months since her performance in Axbridge she has had more success, than in Brighton, people seem to love her music and performances in Axbridge. She is now hopefully going to move to Bristol in the next few months she did an open mike night at the Bunch of Grapes in Bristol that went down very well there as well.
It is so easy when you are down or get knocks in life to just give up. I am so proud of Jenny she could have sat in a corner and let things get to her and certainly it has not been easy in so many ways in the last year. When she has had a few black days we have talked on the phone and tried to re- frame things. Just reaching out and talking always helps and just looking at things from a different perspective can help to see things in a different light.
I can't thank the people in Axbridge enough for the help and support they have shown Jenny both musically and personally. They are so pleased to see her health improved especially when they see her perform. The town has helped to boost Jenny's confidence so she was able to give the polished performance she gave on Saturday. It is not always one person who helps a person towards their goal but in this case a community has and still is helping this singer song writer.
Check Jenny out and the video is there http://www.myspace.com/jennferinbox
Living in a small community can have benefits as well as a down side. My husband made a suggestion to the community about the church bells to consider that the quarter hour chimes could be turned off between 1 am and 5 am as the town is a tourist attraction.
We have no problem with the bells we love them however people we know who visit and other visitors say they find it hard to sleep with the bells chiming on the quarter hour all through the night.
Stand back and wait for the explosion.......... suddenly there is a media frenzy instigated by one of the local pubs. They produced a petition which was not a very pleasant document and inaccurate. I am surprised that the media was happy to promote such a petition and not question some of its contents and the possible repercussions of such a document.
The pub has received a lot of media attention locally, regionally and nationally and one has to question their motive. They claim attachment to the historic nature of the town but have tried to build in their historic back garden and dislike the narrow pavements where they persist in putting a dangerous A board advertising their pub.
My reflection on this incident is that it is very easy to become sucked in and land up very angry and stressed. I am human and in the first place when I saw the contents of the petition I was upset. I would like to change the saying don't get mad get even to don't get mad think realistically.
I considered why I was upset and when I thought about it I was angry about the injustice the inaccuracy and where a petition like this might lead in the future. Looking at thinking errors there was a lot of must, shoulds and oughts as well as how dare they within my language. All this thinking was doing was winding me up and it was me who was doing it by reacting unrealistically.
I took a step back and when I thought about it, I was concerned that this type of petition was a very fine line away form signing a petition to remove people from a community. Who would be next, and what might the consequences be? I contacted the local paper who ran an article with the correct information a few weeks later. I talked to local town councilors who are happy to try and develop a standard local petition and guidelines for people to use. Even if these things had not happened I would have been able to walk away because I had tried.
I have been so touched by the amount of people who have said to me they were very unhappy about the petition and how unfair and inaccurate it was. It would have been so easy to stay and home and feel I can't go out. The internal voice can be so destructive if we allow it to be the irrational mind takes over and you loose sight of reality about how things really are.
The sad part about all this is the bells have been silent for a year as money has had to be raised for their repair. The pub involved did nothing to try and raise money to re instate the bells it was only when my husband rang to see what he could to help raise money to get the bells reinstated that the idea occurred to him. Maybe this was not one of his better ideas!
Welcome to my first blogg on this site. Today is a sad day as I had to have my faithful old Dog Ernie put to sleep yesterday. It reminded me, as I said a very sad farewell to a good friend, how important support and friendship is.
There will be people who do not have an animal who may think I am a bit wacky saying a dog is a friend and support. However this little chap has been there for 17 years he has always had a warm welcome for me, been there in the middle of the night when life was hard. When I needed to talk he would listen and give me a cuddle . On his side all he asked for was to have a bowel of water, food, a walk, help look after his coat and care for him if he was ill.
So often when people become over stressed or depressed they withdraw and don't look to their support network for help. Just talking to someone can help to focus on what is important or help to reflect how realistic or sensible in what you are thinking, expecting, needing or trying to achieve.
It has always surprised me when life has been difficult the people who offer support, it is not always who you think it would be. It can be someone you may have dismissed or someone you may not have given much support to yourself.
It is the same with animals they do not ask for much but they give so much back. Research has shown that owning a cat or dog can help to reduce blood pressure and reduce stress. With a dog you take them out for walks which can help to lift mood.
Laughter can certainly help to reduce stress and this is often apparent to me with the pack of animals my husband and I own, who give us much cause for merriment. Weather it is the dogs playing the fool, the cats being aloof and not amused when they fall off the sofa, or the chickens giving the dogs a telling off they make us laugh and certainly help to make life more rich.
So to little Ernie thank you for being the comical little friend and companion, although we have three other dogs and a few cats it is a much quieter place today with out you.
